Where 'Regulars' Balance The Chaos!

I feel that we live in several worlds in a single day.

Home.

School.

Office/workplace.

Daily hangout.

These little worlds become a part of our daily routine. We start identifying the regulars and the newcomers. We feel the shift in the air when something changes there, when something feels new and unfamiliar. 

There is a temple in the colony where I live, and I go there regularly in the mornings. As a homemaker, I do not get to live in many worlds, but there are some - the school where my kid studies and where I go every day to drop off his lunch, the temple that I visit regularly and lastly the park opposite to the turf where my son trains for football. These worlds have their own regulars and newcomers that I have come to identify.

That day, I was sitting on a bench inside the temple complex. As I looked around, I saw some of the regulars that used to come to the temple but had stopped coming since a few days. As I looked at them, back in the temple, back in the 'regulars' category of one of the few worlds that I live in every day, I got the feeling that everything was all right at least in the Temple World.

There was that senior lady who needed a walker but visited the temple regularly, solely guided by sheer will power. There was another senior who must have broken several hearts in her younger days, for she still looked beautiful, classy and elegant. There was the lady whose job was to blow the conch after every ritual of worship. I was seeing all these regulars after a long time. 

We just exchanged smiles. 

They don't know my language, and I am still learning theirs's, so communication happens only through gestures.

We do not know scratch about what is happening in each other's lives.

None of these mattered. For me, it all came down to one thing.

I had visited one of my worlds and found regulars there after a long time, and suddenly everything was all right at least in that world. Everything was exactly how it was supposed to be there, something that mattered most when chaos is a familiar presence in your life.

And somedays, that is all you can wish for. Regularity and familiarity in a chaotic life. 

 

When A Flower Takes You Back In Time!

I am gradually learning that it is the little moments of the day that make it blissful. 

The other day, I stepped out of the house to visit the temple in my colony. I saw my neighbor leisurely plucking flowers from a tree. There was something very calming about the scene - an unhurried human enjoying a moment of calm and peace. 

I was reminded about my childhood vacations. It was simply impossible to sleep in late. Firstly, the flat I lived in was on the ground floor and had a huge verandah which was home to many birds. Secondly, every window of every room was kept wide open so that sunlight simply rushed in with birdsong playing in the background. Thirdly, the days in May used to break out as early as 5.30 am. So, I always used to wake up early. My grandmother would send me off to bring flowers for worship. The building premises had lots of flowering trees. My friends too would join in the adventure, and we would have lots of fun, trying to reach the highest branch and seeing who managed to collect the highest number of flowers. 

Looking back, none of us realized that we weren't just living in the moment but creating precious memories too! My grandmother is long gone now, and the friends are dispersed in different parts of the country. But I think of those days every now and then. 

When I see a blossoming tree.

When I see someone collecting flowers. 

And I like to think that my friends too are doing the same somewhere - finding a way to travel back in time, triggered by a calming moment in the present.

Dear Time, If Only You Could Stop For A While!

The other day, I was at the mall with the kid, shopping for his birthday. We were just strolling by when the kid suddenly said, "In just a few hours I will be officially a teen!"

A cold feeling came over me. 

I wanted time to stop there. Freeze forever. I wanted all the clocks in the world to stop working. 

In a few hours, my kid would no longer be a child. He would become a teen. I did not want his childhood to end.

Through the foggy cold that had enveloped me, I saw all the thresholds that we had crossed together. 

First day of school when I left him crying inside the class. 

First time when he finally went to play on his own, not wanting me to wait and watch out for him.

First time when he went to school on his own while I waved bye to him from my balcony.

I thought about every transition that had happened in all these years. And I realised something.

Every transition has been difficult. But for every transition, I have tons of memories associated with each phase of parenting. And I am grateful for every moment I got to spend with the kid.

There are many thresholds to cross ahead. I know that every crossing will make me look back in nostalgia and yearning for time to stop. But I also know that the only way to deal with the swift passage of time is to move with it. 

So I look back at all the milestones of parenting with nostalgia and gratitude, and I look ahead for all the milestones to come, with hopes, prayers and good vibes. 

When A Small Bulb Made All The Difference!

Some evenings change the course of the whole day. 

My son usually has football coaching on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. The timings are from 6 to 7 in the evening. 

That particular evening, I booked an auto ride for my home around 7.15. It was February and the days were still shorter, which meant evenings got dark as soon as 6pm. 

The lane leading to the main road from the turf had minimum lighting and I usually felt quite apprehensive while traveling by the dark road. I would breathe easier only after the auto had reached the main road. 

The ride for that evening arrived and I boarded the auto along with my kid. The moment I stepped inside, the driver switched on a bright bulb that bolstered my spirits. Along with the darkness, my fear too fled away. 

But more importantly, there was deep gratitude. Someone, a stranger of all, took the effort to assure me that I am safe and that I need not fear anything. In a life that is trying and testing me by the minute, this gesture remains a beautiful memory, reminding me of light and goodness that still exists in the world. 

When LOTR DIsrupted And Saved A Day!

It was one of those days when nothing worked as per my plan.

For starters, I woke up late, which in itself produced a quake in the whole foundation of the day. I wondered how it came to be that the hour I woke up, started deciding the course of the whole day. 

Waking up late meant I missed my morning routine of stretching exercises, reading and meditation. In the afternoon which is when I usually write, I felt uninspired and whiled away the time watching LOTR (yet again; by now I have lost count of the number of times I have read the books and watched the movies as well). My ritual of walking in the evening while listening to inspiring speeches got affected with the unexpected arrival of a guest. 

Night brought in the realization that I had wasted my time by watching LOTR. Wait... what?? 'Wasted' my time watching LOTR?!?!?!

And that's when I shook myself out of my melancholy. LOTR is the one addiction I take pride in. Be it the books, be it movies, I am CRAZY about both. I will never tire of reading the books or watching the movies. They represent a world I keep returning to every time my world starts feeling heavy. 

And I won't allow myself to feel guilty about LOTR. Never in my lifetime. 

All the accumulated exhaustion of the day was replaced with the shock of associating the word 'wasted' with LOTR. And that brought in another realization.

That some days life will take its own course. You will wake up late. It will disrupt your whole day. Plans will fail. Guests will arrive unexpectedly (when your house is NOT clean). But it's okay. What will make a difference is how willingly we go with the day's flow.

No matter how badly my day might progress, LOTR will always be that un-guilty, unrepentant pleasure that I will allow myself. As Gandalf says, all we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us, and if our answer is LOTR movie marathon, SO BE IT. 

The Coffee That Completed The Circle Of Life

I am extremely fond of the calming solitude of the dawn. I usually wake up looking forward to my morning routine which includes some stretching exercises, reading some motivational works and a meditation session of five minutes. I can focus only for five minutes at present, but I am thinking of gradually increasing the time to meditate. 

But the other day, something happened that made me realize that there is something more amazing than the silence of the morning, and that is the excited chatter of a boy in his not-yet-a-teen phase. The kid woke up early that day and asked me to assist in his studies. While I am a huge fan of silent mornings, there is something very magical about the energy of a teen in the early morning. For someone who gradually accepted and embraced contentment and peace, the kid's excitement and vigor felt like a refreshing change. It brought hope - of possibilities coming to life, and making dreams come true.

I usually prepare the decoction for filter coffee in the morning. As I poured the hot water over the coffee powder in the filter, the kid walked into the kitchen and inhaled deeply. "I love the smell of coffee.", he said happily. "Do you remember the coffee shop that used to be there in the lane where we lived on rent? That shopkeeper would roast coffee beans and grind them. I used to love going to that shop." He said wistfully.

I smiled thinking about not just the said coffee shop from his childhood, but one from my childhood too - a shop where I would wait patiently while the shopkeeper ground coffee beans to prepare filter coffee powder. The shop also used to sell books and there was one called Gokulam, a fortnightly magazine for kids. I would purchase the same and start reading, all the while inhaling the invigorating aroma of coffee powder. 

From me reminiscing about the coffee shop of my childhood, to the kid reminiscing about the coffee shop of his childhood, life indeed has come to a full circle!

The Gray Hour Of The Evening

They often talk about the golden hour of the noon. But have you experienced the gray hour of the evening?

The other day, there was a power-cut in my colony around 4 in the evening. Usually the generator in the building is switched on during power-cuts. But that day the generator wasn't operating. So I opened the curtains of all the windows in the house. And that was when I experienced the gray hour of the evening. 

It is that time of the day when the sun, still very much in the sky, retracts all its rays, lending a gray aura to the evening. If someone took a picture of this moment, it would probably look like a black-and-white photo. This time of the day has a nostalgic aura.

That day as I soaked in the gray hour, it reminded me of my childhood when we experienced this phenomenon on a daily basis. Hailing from a middle-class family, we were all about savings and reducing expenses. So, evenings usually were kept naturally lit, with the power on in only one room of the house while the other rooms with open windows let in the gray color of the evening. I remember spending evenings sitting on the bench placed at the entrance of the apartments and watching people come home from work. For some ridiculous reason, it always made me happy to see people return to their homes. 

Today, as I try to recreate the gray hour as often as possible, I feel the same peace that those days brought. The lights are switched off in most of the rooms except one. The whole house looks like a nostalgic photo frame. It takes me back to my childhood when the day consisted of only two parts - the golden hour and the gray hour. 

The gray hour is special to me for another reason - it feels like the day hasn't ended. And at this stage of life that feels like it is speeding up, every lingering moment of the day is precious, for it gives the illusion of having more time. And in the middle-age, that is all you need sometimes.